i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
