do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
