Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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