I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
