im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize