About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
