You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
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Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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