WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
