I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
