So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
