we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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