I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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