WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
