All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
