Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
