Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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