I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love accidental penises.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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