I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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