mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
