No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
