Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
