You really coming over, don't trick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
