No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
