great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
