um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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