my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
