how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
