Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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