my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
