my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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