Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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