Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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