Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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