You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
