Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
