How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
