just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
