Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
