I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
whose parrot is this?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
