Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
