i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
