Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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