OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
