Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
