Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
