im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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