Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
