8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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