Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
