Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
