I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
