Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh god it's open bar.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
