I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
