just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
