I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
