the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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