Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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