So drunk its hurt
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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