11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
