God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
