we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
