So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
