in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
