I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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