I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
