i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
