I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
