I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
