Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
