Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
