i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
