I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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